Friday, August 18, 2006

Terrorist plot no. 653: No hydration or hygene for Westerners!

I have flown twice since last week. The security in Rochester was a breeze, except that I had to take my trusty tube of Chapstick and bottle of hand lotion in my checked suitcase. It wouldn't have been so annoying if the closed air on planes wasn't so dehydrating. Is anyone else having this problem?

Since I can no longer bring a bottle of water on board with me, hydration is my foremost concern. I hate flying without lotion and lip gloss. It sounds stupid, especially since I don't consider myself a particularly high-maintenance woman, but my lips crave that moisturizing, cherry goo from time to time. And airplane soap is not particularly easy on skin either. Coupled with the dry air, I could scratch the word "dry" on my hands without much effort.

The two-hour trips that I've been taking this month haven't been so hard on me. However, my sister-in-law just left for China and she had to do away with her creams and balms when she checked-in. So she has to fly for 36 hours without being able to touch up her make-up or put cream on her hands until she clears customs and gets to her hotel. That seems a little harsh.

Some lunatics in London make an explosive paste, and the entire western world has to suffer. No lotions, liquids, creams, deodorant, toothpaste or lip gloss on board! I guess that's the terrorists' end game: to make westerners do without basic hygene, so we all offend each other with our dry skin and smelly underarms. Perhaps I am overreacting, but it's mildly annoying that this morning, I had to check-in a small suitcase for a weekend trip because I wanted to have deodorant, make-up and moisturizer on hand when I arrived in Austin. Last week, I would've been able to carry it on and walk off the plane to meet my family, without wasting time at the baggage carousel.

(That area is aptly named, because it does resemble a circus most of the time... that gives me a good idea: the airlines should spend those extra taxes and fee money on clowns and tightrope walkers in the baggage claim area to entertain us while we wait and hope that our luggage made the same journey that we did. The elephant shit might put people off, but we're all going to smell bad anyway since we can't travel with deodorant anymore!)

I began to wonder about those people who travel every week, weekend or even every day. It's just an added inconvenience for an ailing airline industry which is already talking about raising fares to accomodate the latest edict from Homeland Security. Gas prices are super high, air travel is a hassle and the Bill of Rights is breached more with each passing day. It seems like it's time for a change - the terrorists are almost winning here. They have succeeded in making westerners live in fear, and they have increased the prosperity and ease of American life which used to be so dear to each of us. Don't get me wrong. I am happy to accomodate rules that ensure my safety, but I really am having a hard time understanding how lip gloss and deodorant got on the list of dangerous weaponry.

By the way, after my layover in Houston today, the gate agent let me bring my Starbucks mocha on board. I don't think she noticed it, but the flight attendant made a point, at least twice, to tell me how "special" I was. I am failing to understand why an item purchased inside the "secure" zone would cause such a commotion, because shouldn't that merchandise or food or whatever be "safe"? Ok I'm done with this rant now...

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